“Man Protests Climate Change By Refusing to Surf Perfect Conditions”
Chula Vista Times
A Southern California man says he’s registering a protest against Global Warming by refusing to surf the perfect conditions that have persisted in the Golden State over the last few weeks.
“I’m fed up,” says Jack Clune, a 52-year-old husband, and father of two boys. Speaking from his home in Chula Vista, nearly 15 miles from the nearest beach. Clune says he is engaged in a peaceful protest- for now.
“It’s f***ing ridiculous. Every single goddamn day, the wind is offshore, it’s sunny, and the waves are 4 to 6 feet and firing,” says Clune.
He’s also angry that he now has all the free time in the world to go to the beach and surf, with the Covid-19 virus bringing his job as a personal injury attorney to a halt. Clune says there are far fewer car accidents or dog bites since the world shut down.
“Look, when I was growing up, and an actually half-way decent surfer, the waves sucked! And whenever there was a swell, I had a final exam, or I just started some shitty new job where I couldn’t leave.”
Speaking with Clune’s wife Tracy, she says she has doubts about Clune’s stated beef with Global Warming.
“Jack was invited by a friend who really surfs, to go on the friend’s boat to a secret surfing spot. The waves were perfect, but he was so fat and out of shape, he rode his surfboard like a Boogie Board the whole time, because he couldn’t stand up. He also said the new XXL wetsuit he bought online was loose everywhere except the belly, so he got real cold fast.”
We tracked down the friend to see if we could get the real story. Insisting on anonymity “B.L.” did not initially return our phone calls.
“It was embarrassing. It’s been a few years, so I thought it would be fun to invite him on the boat. The whole crew at the break saw him give up trying to stand, and Boogie Boarding the peak. I’m gonna grow a goatee, and give it a few weeks before I go back. I’ve been getting stink eye around the dock.”
Speaking with Clune’s wife Tracy again:
“I’ve never known him to be concerned with environmental or political issues. This is his first protest if you don’t count the time Costco changed from Hebrew National to Kirkland hotdogs, and he took a few weeks off before he gave in.”
Asked when his protest will end, Clune says he’s monitoring the situation.
“If the water warms up, and the waves return to normal size in summer, I’ll probably go back.”
Originally published at https://blog.jackclunesmancave.com.